“You don’t love someone because they’re perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they’re not.”

-Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper

“Maybe who we are isn’t so much about what we do, but rather what we’re capable of when we least expect it.”

-Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper

“When two people are meant to be together, they will be together. It’s fate.”

-Sara Gruen, Water for Elephants

“Write about what disturbs you, particularly if it bothers no one else.”

-Kathryn Stockett, The Help

 

(sigh)

07/05/2015

I need a fucking laptop… of my own. Or a computer in my room. Something personal where I can archive all my thoughts.

I used to write in a notebook, but somehow it has become more difficult to express myself through the paper; with my hands writing as fast as my head goes. I have a typewriter, but I never really write anything on it, unless it is a poem, or something short that I want to remember.

I do all my homework on my brothers laptop, but since it’s not actually mine, I don’t feel trustworthy of leaving my writing on it. It’s sad really, I want to write but I can’t seem to.

“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.”

-Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close 

“Books are the ultimate Dumpees: put them down and they’ll wait for you forever; pay attention to them and they always love you back.”

-John Green, An Abundance of Katherine’s

“I have hated words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right.”

-Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

“Nobody’s lives just fit together. Fitting together is something you work at. It’s something you make happen – because you love each other.”

-Rainbow Rowell, Landline

 

May the fourth be with you.

04/05/2015

Hello internet world. I’m trying to write while my mother lays next to me talking to Siri… difficult.

Today is monday… and a lot went through this weekend. Last Thursday a professor failed me in one of his classes; not only did he failed me but all my team (because it was a project), and it was entirely my fault. So, guess who had to coup with stress and anxiety for blaming herself? Yes, I did not do well with it. I accepted my grade, but it consumed me that everyone else had to fail too in order to accomplish the so called “team work” teachers love to sacrifice us in.

Anyhow, I got sick… really sick. All Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I knew stress was evil, but I had always kept it in it’s place. I got better on Sunday, only to go back to school today to try and save my scholarship, because in my university, if you fail one course, you are deserving of losing your scholarship. I talked to the head director, he left before I could explain myself, leaving me with a form I had to fill, begging to the “Scholarship Committee” to not remove my scholarship, or otherwise I would stop studying and become a bum. When I finished filling the form, the head director came back, took it and told me it wouldn’t be necessary since he had gone to talk to the teacher, explained him it was all a mistake, that I’m a perfect student, and I learned my lesson and so did my team. Obviously the teacher agreed (ha ha), but never mind he also was extremely mad because I made a stupid mistake that shouldn’t have happened (yes, I did AND I accept it). At the end of it all, the teacher omitted some of the mistakes I made, ergo that gave us some points, enough for me and my team not to fail. All this after I spent my weekend between my bed and bathroom. But well, everyone’s fine, I’m still alive, (wanting to die) and making it so far.

I hope all who are in college and dealing with bloody stress and anxiety, can find a loving being among them, who helps and understands you.

Love Always, Sam.