To be anxious

19/02/2016

Shaking uncontrollably because of fucking anxiety, hardly breathing and racing thoughts that make you want to slap yourself across the face too many times.
“Stop it!” I want to yell at myself, but can’t because my voice trembles.

“Please, stop it.” I say to no one in particular, pleading for some rest. For my thoughts to be quite just for one second.

When I finally calm down everything is blurry, my mind can’t concentrate, it needs to be shut down. Reset. Another day. Everything will be better. That’s what I tell myself every fucking time. But to be anxious…to have fucking anxiety… I don’t wish it upon anyone.

But let me assure you, everything WILL be better. Even when it doesn’t feel like it will.

Currently at…

THE BEACH! (insert fist bump)

I very much suck at this regular posting stuff…Apologies will be regular. So yeah, very sorry guys 😥

Moving on! … I have a one week “long” vacation (notice the extreme sarcasm in long), and a sudden plan came up. I took a plane, and then a bus, and now I’m at a friends house on a beach in Mexico! YAY!

These kind of things don’t happen very often. Actually they never happen. This is my first non family vacations, and it makes me very excited. It’s nice to get away from the familiarity of things for a while. There’s no big or deep meaning in this post, I’m just updating and writing for my own sake. Letting you all know I’m still alive; and when an epiphany comes to me, you’ll be the firsts ones to hear about it.

Remember to take a deep breath and enjoy life, even if it’s just for a second. Love Always, Sam.

A little piece of my writing…

And that’s how she knew. Abandoned in that little old library. 

She looked down at the words scribbled on the book she was holding, thinking that if he actually liked her, he wouldn’t have left. It was all a fantasy, a fantasy she created herself. And she wasn’t mad, she was sad; having constructed all this idea of a perfect person that didn’t exist. She was sad, for how perfect it all had seemed, and how untruthful it was. She looked back at him, already walking away, and she smiled to herself, thinking…“Well, finally everything is going back to normal”.